By: Justicia Shipena
Bishop Lukas Katenda of the Reformed Evangelical Anglican Church of Namibia (REACH-Namibia) says that having sex three times a week is too much.
Katenda said this in an interview with The Villager while stating he stands with PDM’s parliamentarian Elna Dienda. Dienda last week sparked a national debate after saying, in the National Assembly, that rape does not exist in marriage.
According to Katenda, his research shows that married couples can engage in a sexual act a maximum of three times per week.
“That is enough. It is even more. If you have a person thinking about sex all the time, this person also needs some form of counselling,” he said.
He said marriages are private institutions, adding that husbands and wives must have a conversation about the biological nature of men and women.
“They should have a conversation on when sex must happen and when to postpone it,” he said.
He added that men must learn that there will be regular postponements when they marry a woman of childbearing age.
“Or maybe even regular postponements due to sickness, or maybe the man can’t perform.”
Katenda further told The Villager that he supports Dienda’s comment.
“I support her because she speaks from a healthy, godly, caring, supportive and understanding marriage,” he said.
He said people misunderstand a healthy and sick marriage.
“When the marriage is sick, there is an indicator of the sickness. You can’t call a sick marriage a marriage. A sick marriage is equivalent to a dead marriage,” he expressed.
He stated that some people are in dead marriages and think they are still married.
“There must be a difference in the marriage in which couples communicate caring. They know what is right and what is wrong. And on that basis, they will repel anything that threatens the marriage’s safety and survival,” said Katenda.
THOSE IN SICK MARRIAGES RAPE EACH OTHER
According to him, couples in unhappy marriages tend to rape each other.
“These things are always built on from other things. It is not just that the person will wake up and start raping. Either there is a problem with understanding or with the application.”
Furthermore, he said people who are married and understand each other and the role of sex and sexuality in marriage will always have a conversation about sex.
“There is always a conversation on the man or woman’s role, When should sex happen, how should often and what time,” he narrated.
Katenda added that there would be an idea of rape when the conversation is lacking.
“When there is no communication, corporation and comprise are signs of a sick marriage,” he said.
He added that Namibia is full of unhappy marriages. His comments come after the High Court recorded nearly 120 divorce cases on Monday last week.
“People think the sick marriage is the goodness of the society. That is why I support her, she is speaking as a Christian, and she speaks from the catholic moral of view, and I understand her.”
Katenda said when the marriage is sick, just like your own body, it must be taken to the hospital.
“And you must take it to the correct hospital. You must identify the best spiritual councillor or psychologist, or family councillor and have a conversation if there is a possibility for the marriage to be redeemed. I speak from experience.”
IF IT CAN’T BE HEALED, END IT
However, he says if the marriage is unredeemable, it should be terminated.
“What is the point? The church cannot just say remain. We must accept that these people were prematurely married, and when you speak to them, there is no understanding, so what is the point in remaining in marriage if they might kill each other one day. Terminate the relationship if it is not working,” stressed katenda.
Moreover, Katenda said people should not jump into marriage.
“Like when you want to open a business. Do you wake up one day and off you are in business, or do you do a proper research study so that we understand the implications,” he adds.
He also lamented that people must be able to study and research what marriage is and what it is not.
“As soon as they understand this, are resolved and ready to engage in a lifelong relationship with its terms and conditions, they must enter.”
Katenda continued to say that young people in Namibia jump into marriage.
“They don’t understand what they are. They don’t understand themselves and the implications. They jump into marriage because somehow, they are triggered by a friend who got married,” said Katenda.
He further said that churches are not responsible for marriages.
“It is the couple who are responsible for their relationship. The church may offer a blessing, but it is useless if this blessing is to be received by faithless people.”
