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Other Articles from The Villager

Deliver us from Eva

by Jeremiah Ndjoze




gosh, kids of today have no respect for elders!
When I was growing up, we were told never to chow food, more so, meat from our elders’ plates.
So when I got wind of that simanyana that now has moved into the City’s former man-in-charge’s bedroom, I was like, ‘this boy’s got nuts of steel’.
Either that or the madam is simply trying to piss the moola man off. Either way, that little bedroom shenanigan had the big man shouting from the rooftops; what some wouldn’t dare discuss behind closed doors.
Well, at least that’s what my fellow snitches from across town said. But then again, the villagers amongst us understood though, that an aging cow is by and large, the one that’s slaughtered for school kids during school holidays . . . so big deal?
Aaaanyway, that entire little scoop is now having the whole Katutura brimming with juicy hand-over-the-mouth ‘stoep talk’. And thanks to this ‘stoep talk’, the Moola Mobile jingle will certainly give the national anthem sleepless nights where popularity is concerned.
Well, that’s what happens when dirty laundry is dragged into the public domain for everyone’s amusement. The kinda stuff that all ‘us underpaid scribes thrives on. I for one, have stopped pulling out my ‘dirties’ from under my pants. I officially wear mine on top of my pants. I hate throwing surprise parties.
But then again, let’s look at the brighter side. Strategic marketing it is, folks. Who wants to buy advertising space in newspapers if one can easily scoop themselves a drama personified lover and lay idle with the links to us word-count-paid scribes on speed dial?
I mean, hardcore rapper J-Twiz did it. He died, then wrote about it . . . his own death, that is. So what is impossible, you tell me.
See, Jay is straight from the streets and like all of them street bangers, he did his stint at boarding school. Then checked out and evolved into one of the country’s ‘illest’ rappers. He was just getting his standing ovation from all ‘us music lovers’ when he felt the need to give an encore, which brought the ghetto to an abrupt halt – by announcing that he’s dead.
Boom! That’s a first coming from a hip-hop head in an industry where egos reign . . . all of this because his love for some girl got the better of him? Another boom, coming from a man who, at some point, sung about being in love with two women. How ‘bout paying the other girl a visit, Jay?
Strategic . . . flip**n strategic, I say. Tell you what; if boarding school didn’t teach this boy cutting edge capitalist tactics, Uncle Sam completed this course through correspondence. Something for all the Dollar Sixes and Capital Ks in the lower bracket of the local music scene should learn from.   
I think it’s high time they all get on one ‘bakgat’ collabo entitled “Deliver us from Eva”. Seriously . . . from the looks of it, women problems belong to local musicians and it’s high time they cash in on it. These women are driving them rappers and busters up the walls. With all the reports about break-ups and make-ups in the dog house, I’m pretty sure given a bar or two, The Dogg would bark up a storm. And don’t tell me that that Mr Shiimi song by Shipo didn’t bundle things up at residence 467.
We all know how Killa got his near-fatal nervous breakdown and even Exit and Mushe nearly disappeared through the Bermuda Triangle. This ain’t a joke. Just check out the plight of Mathew. That’s the dude whose ‘lady’ woke up at a shebeen with Lil’ D all up in her business. Nothing strange really, for what it’s worth, I wouldn’t have expected anything different. What’s amusing, though is Matthew’s audacity to complain after he deliberately fell in love with a woman known as Guilty . . . seriously Matt, what did you expect? I don’t know either but don’t be surprised if Matt drops an album entitled ‘There’s a Meeting in My Bedroom’, with generous sponsorship from Moola Mobile.