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Hell with Trevor and Gola... we've got Malema and Nekundi


by jeremiah
Columns

 

As the curtain closes on The Julius Malema Show, there is a lot of speculation on the future of the vuvuzela. Sadly, to those who believe that the Limpopo native-turned-coconut politician is a big eyesore, Juju ain’t going anywhere. Brace yourself for another glimpse of the monstrosity, because this boy would rather commit suicide instead of killing himself – professionally that is. Yep, Juju last week handed the bald heads at the ANC wet smacks in their Hmnnn... bald heads. 

The audacity of the boy! 

Just a couple of weeks ago, the ANC’s internal troubles were dressed in legitimising robes of a mock trial. You should have seen old Derek Hanekom looking all firm in pinstripes, fingering an iPad, 21st century style, as he delivered the verdict for the demise of Malema. Well, now their offspring has vowed to spit all over that suit, eventually declare old Zuma a political wimp and perhaps... run to union buildings with a shot of single malt whisky in the hand and an entourage of hangers on, for a perpetual house-warming party. The new strategy is that Juju and his crew will push until the ANC fires them and this in turn, will spill puke on the entire Zuma regime – or so they say. 

Can’t blame the chap, though; that’s what the ANC’s political machinery breast-fed him on. Yep! When he ran around as old Zuma’s decoy, remember, distracting the DA’s Helen Zille by calling her a political toddler while Zuma gunned straight for State House. Turns out the smalanyana also figured out his way to the same house and the place appears to be too small for the two of them.  And, now there’s a new comedy show in town entitled, ‘The Shower Hour Crew’, featuring ‘The Polygamist’ and ‘The Coconuts.’ 

Tell you what; politics in South Africa is bound to get more exciting; not this dull affair that we have over here where everybody is trying to co-exist, co-operate and collaborate and, and, and. Boy, I miss the days when the Parliamentary report used to be the most entertaining programme on local TV.

South African politics is now getting to the fun side of things again. Who knows, maybe there will be another girl on the man, or man-on-the-girl situation and the courts will be involved again. And, of course we are gonna learn about new remedies for STIs. I’m sure we’re gonna hear statements like, “In the morning, that lady requested breakfast and taxi money. You can’t ask for money from somebody who raped you.” The DA’s youth league would have to stay out of this if they do not want to be referred to as Helen Zille’s racist garden boys and I pray to the forces that there won’t be anything wrong at any fried chicken joint this time, because this normally pisses Malema off,  then he says things like, “I don’t know what’s happening with Nandos. We are running this country and we cannot be concerned about chickens.”

Now, when Juju is on a war path, he hates fake accents, so don’t step up to him with food in your mouth as he might just mistake it for an American accent. Ask Naledi Pandor who apparently spent the biggest part of her time using an American accent instead of fulfilling her role as minister, attending to the plight of the people. Yep, that’s Juju for you and it’s on.

And he has the audacity to call himself an ordinary young person who’s grown up in South Africa, from a township, with no intention – none whatsoever – to scare people. Brothers, please!

Be that as it may, we also have our own Juju here in Namibia. We thought the lawsuit would tie his jingle leg to a leach but, hell no! Nekundi is still on the rampage, ruffling things up. And if you are to get your dose of political satire, look no further. To hell with, Loyiso Gola and Trevor Noah... they’re good comedians but they can’t beat the real deal. 

We’ve got Malema and Nekundi.