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Other Articles from The Villager

Your average city woman

Mon, 22 April 2013 03:50
by Linekela Halwoodi
Columns

Let’s say you are a tourist who loves women and you find yourself inside the Namibian borders.You meet a nice girl and you think something nice could transpire.
All I can say is, if you are not strong enough you could turn into a broke ‘pill-poppin’ foreigner and you would be begging to be deported in less than a year because we would have sucked your wallet dry for a plane ticket.
Note: This applies to all races, these women come in all shapes and colours and for all you know, I could be one too.

Gossip
When it comes to local gossip we are good, we are good and making up  stories and spreading them. Gossip here spreads faster than summer field fires, because all we do is gossip.
We can gossip about anything, about someone’s marriage, about someone’s facebook status, about the size of someone’s shoe even about the food someone eats especially and socialites are our biggest victims.
Cheating
You know, they say men cheat? Well women are even better at it. You see, for every girl that has multiple partners it’s got nothing to do with sex but money. Jeez we love money. The one boyfriend is for taking care of the bills, the other is for taking care of the clothes accounts at all the boutiques and the other is for buying us the longest Brazilian hair in the country. One for our Hilton hotel chilling out and one that she apparently loves that she spends all your money with.
This is no excuse to kill her though, men should not lay hands on women but if you can get your sister to go over there and kick her butt that’s fine too.
Faking it, lying and stealing
If you think Hollywood has award deserving actresses, then you obviously have not mingled enough with our kind. We lie to you when we know an outfit makes you look bad. We lie to you about your bed performance as long as there is $$$$$$ involved. We will lie about our relationships with people, a boyfriend becomes an uncle, and a cousin becomes a nobody. If it does not benefit us in any way, we will lie to you. When we get caught red-handed, we either come up with a ridiculous lie that you might believe or we cry. Some of us are even kleptomaniac, who do you think gave birth to all those two fingering Ngandjeras?
Fashion
We have an extended fashion sense but most of it is fashion nonsense. We also copy cat hardcore from foreigners without being knowledgeable of what it means to dress for our shape.
We are also guilty of extending fashion trends, not knowing what goes for what season.
Wait and see this winter, women will still be rocking miniskirts with fluffy boots.
When you think they we could not get any worse, you will learn to find that we can go superstitious on you and start consulting bone-throwers.